It was a hot sunny Friday afternoon when this boy named Harley was walking up the breezeway when his friend Chris stole his phone from his bag. Chris thought he was being funny. But Harley got mad and said” a dog give me my phone back” after that coach Ordaz ran up to Harley with smoke rolling on his ear and said “that's disrespectful now you owe me two” Harley they kept walking and rudely said that's 3 cause ion give a f**k. Harley then steamed off to go to his locker coach Ordaz trailed behind him like a lost puppy and said, “Come with me, Harley.”
After Harley heard him he then picked up his stuff and slammed his locker. Coach Ordaz told Harley to sit on the bench and he called Mr. Milmo and told him about Harley's Behavior Harley sat there in the burning hot sun like a marshmallow over a fire Harley's teammates were walking out of the locker room to the practice field Coach came out the locker and said “let's go Harley.” Harley jumped up to grab his bag and followed him to the field they got to the field we're Harley had to just sit in the deadly hot sun where he was just burning up. Practice ended shortly because it was 112 degrees.
Then on the next day, Harley gets called to the office in the 2nd period to Mr. Milmo's office where he was told he had iss. He steamed up the breezeway to the ISS room. Harley spent the rest of the day in there. While he was there he had realized what he did and said was wrong.
It was a really good story but what append to the boy who took your phone. did he get in trouble to . other than that i really liked your story
ReplyDeleteits a pretty good story with really good detail, but some things were a little confusing. like when you had said that Harley was in the locker room and coach told him to sit on the bench, you then said he was in the sun which didn't make since cause last i heard he was in the locker room. but other than that i enjoyed the story. good job.
ReplyDeletecheck your spelling ,and what happend to chris
ReplyDeleteYou had good punctuation but i didnt know that you were near the locker room i thought that you were on the breezeway
ReplyDeleteIts pretty good but what happend to chris
ReplyDeleteyour synonyms are phenomenal and you had fantastic details one thing i did notice tho was how you shot slugs like coach ordaz was going to see the blog but you kept it in a news cast and that's crazy you have great writing skills i felt like i was in your story trailing behind you the whole time in the locker room I'm sure you didn't leave out any main details.
ReplyDeletei liked the story cause it all made scene but did you tell the teacher
ReplyDeleteI like this because Harley did something that I really want to do sometimes but never do because I dont want to get in trouble
ReplyDelete